More Disgraceful Performances
By Ian Tanner
Arsenal media staff unable to spell their own players’ surnames correctly
Last week, within the space of 24 hours, there were disgraceful performances from two Old Etonians on their different London stages. On Wednesday, at Prime Minister’s Questions, David Cameron abused shamelessly his position and power, making political capital from knowing privileged, price-sensitive information by declaring that the good economic news would continue in response to taunts from Ed Millipede (as he’s known amongst my friends). Though Number 10 (no, not Jack Wilshere) denies it, this was a clear reference to the UK’s third quarter GDP (Gross Domestic Product) figures due to be released next day, which were significantly better than expected. Either you know all about this, in which case I’m wasting my time, or you do not care – perhaps you live abroad (lucky Gooner) – in which case I’m wasting my time. You should care about what follows, however.
Next morning, Peter Hill-Wood chaired the Arsenal Holdings PLC 2012 Annual General Meeting in his inimitable way. As the assembled already knew, PH-W is well past his sell-by date. Thursday, though, he was even more bumbling and embarrassing than usual, which is no mean feat. His sort (geddit?) think themselves gentlemen and like to portray that image but he’s actually very rude, as well as condescending, arrogant and a total f****** snob. When some dissenters raised their hands against consecutive Resolutions, PH-W responded: “Same lot”, an appalling response to a democratic vote. We simply have to get rid of this liability and total embarrassment. I was seated in the second row; my friend whispered to me: “Who is chairing this meeting?”, a question I was already pondering as Ivan Gazidis had become de facto Chairman of increasingly fractious exchanges. A question about recent dialogue with Arsenal’s large minority shareholder led P H-W to ask was that Red and White Holdings? Guffaws aplenty from the great unwashed. Incredible. PH-W lost any semblance of control, partly as he could not hear many comments from the floor (that were clear to us) but mainly because he can no longer think on his feet (if he ever could). Father Time calls us all, of course, but when he does one should step aside or, at the very least, take a back seat. Farewell, Peter, we most definitely will not miss you.
I submitted a question for the AGM by the 17th October deadline based on my 28th September OnlineGooner article, The Spanish Imposition. To summarise, the muppets at Arsenalplayer keep spelling Santi Cazorla’s surname incorrectly. He’s played twelve times this season and only twice – Montpellier and Schalke 04 – have they spelt it correctly. For the first four games it was Carzola, before fifth time lucky in France. At Citeh, Arsenalplayer reverted to type - or should that be mis-type? – leading to my article, which I naively hoped someone at Arsenal would read and act upon. The fiasco continued for Chelsea and Olympiacos. At West Ham, though, they invented the then novelty: Carzorla. Talk about rolling your Rs! Exasperated, I then sent in my AGM question. Receiving a call from Number Withheld – if you know of a worse business practice, please call me (geddit?) – I let it go to voicemail, as is my wont. A garbled message (surprise, surprise) was left but I managed to locate the person at AFC who wanted to discuss my question. I was at pains to explain that I did not need to ask my question, that all I really wanted was to expedite the righting of this wrong. As far as I was concerned, if she, pretty please, would ensure that her relevant colleagues were made aware immediately of this error, and acted thereon, that would be the end of the matter from my standpoint.
Numbers withheld and garbled messages aside, it transpires that no-one at Arsenal talks to anyone else. At Norwich City, on 20th October, the lamentable performance on the pitch was matched off it. Carzorla it was. I phoned to complain, leaving a message. Hours before Schalke 04, on the eve of the AGM, another Number Withheld, another message; this one more intelligible. Apologies were offered for the continued mis-spelling; my lady had been assured that such would be rectified in future but that if I still wished to ask my question I would be called. Cannot say fairer than that, I thought, so, magnanimous to the end, I in turn left her a message, that there was no need for me to be called (I wasn’t), that I had no wish to embarrass anyone publicly. And that, I naively concluded, was the end of the matter as Cazorla’s name was spelt correctly later that evening for only the second time.
And so to QPR and Carzorla yet again. As you will not need telling, two chances are rarely enough these days, on the pitch and evidently off it also. To use the vernacular, I’m so totally through; Arsenal FC deserve to be publicly embarrassed over this. As Bruce Forsyth used to say on The Generation Game, let’s have a look at the old scoreboard: Cazorla 2, Carzola 7, Carzorla 3.
This is how Arsenal Football Club pays homage to its Player of the Month for August and September.
30th October 2012
User Comment and Reaction
User comments on this article are now closed. If you want to continue the debate, why not do so on the Gooner Forum.
weststandlower 9:20am 30th Oct 2012
you really need to get a life - Post No. 29897
Silent stain 9:29am 30th Oct 2012
Yes, with high prices, poor performances, stumbling league position, what a pity your vitally important question was not addressed. - Post No. 29898
chris dee 9:48am 30th Oct 2012
Blimey Ian! There I was worrying about our results,performance,injuries the game at Old Trafford on Saturday when you put everything into perspective giving us the the shocking news that Santi's surname is not being spelt correctly. This thunderbolt will take a while to get over,but football fans are a resilient bubch. - Post No. 29899
EborGooner 10:36am 30th Oct 2012
This might only seem a small thing but, as the article says, it hints at deeper problems within the club. Nobody listening to the fans, not talking to each other, making the same mistakes over and over again, and having a blind belief (despite the facts) that you are right. Sadly all these faults can be levelled at OGL and his team. Perhaps you should ask Steve Bould to grab the offender by the throat and get him/her to adjust their attitude :-D - Post No. 29900
Ron 12:04pm 30th Oct 2012
PHW - a snob indeed and an ignorant one too. He s also the type of old fart that thinks because he is old that he has a licence to be rude and ignorant at will. Lest face it, he even dismissed Kroenke as being of 'his type'. The guy is an arrogant pr--k.Probably why he and Wenger rub along so well. - Post No. 29902
El Bodgeo 13:11pm 30th Oct 2012
At least Arstitta played well. - Post No. 29907
ed enough... 13:18pm 30th Oct 2012
Not sure mis-spelt player names are Arsenal's biggest internal problem at the moment to be brutal with you...As weststandlower said...you need to get a life mate.... - Post No. 29908
CanadaGooner 15:06pm 30th Oct 2012
Ian Tanner or is it Taner? or Tainer? goodness me man! I couldnt care less if Cazorla is spelt Santa-Claus-Carazola or Marazola as long as he plays well and we turn this dubious season around! Already 7 points or so behind in the league, champions league recent form that wouldnt beat the worst team in Europe and already dreading the inevitable end to this season and you're spending so much time on spellings! That said, it is probably the same lack of attention to detail that you've fixated on, that has infested our club for so long and has led us down to this path where we have fools like Gazidis who knows nothing about how the English perceive our sport. He drones on about financial models and all that american nonsense, when what it all boils down to for an english football fan is TROPHIES and not losing to our local rivals and certainly not losing to the bottom clubs in the league either. So, perhaps your fixation of the spelling error is actually a well-placed observation - Post No. 29912
maguiresbridge gooner 16:21pm 30th Oct 2012
It looks like from Arsenalplayer to Arsenal players their all as bad as each other. - Post No. 29914
jeff wright 17:26pm 30th Oct 2012
Cazorla's name was spelt wrongly on the back of his shirt when we played Sunderland in the first game of the season. When he reappeared after half-time he was wearing a shirt with the correct spelling on it. That game finished up 0-0 with Giroud missing a simple chance to win it for us. Overall the performance by our players was an harbinger of things to come - because the same problems we had in that game have plagued ever since . That old piss-stained fool Hill-Wood is obviously being used by Stan to try and discredit supporters who can see that the policies being pursued by himself and inane Ivan are not working. However ,I can't leave Wenger himself out of all of the nonsense that is turning AFC into a laughing stock ,he's got 7.5 million reasons a year though to support Stan . I can't see that there can be any reason for him doing otherwise. - Post No. 29917
Richard Neasby 17:47pm 30th Oct 2012
We got 99 problems and THIS AINT ONE ! - Post No. 29918
Wombledin 19:24pm 30th Oct 2012
Good article and all fair points. PHW must step down immediately after that AGM, even if he was half the age anyone who makes basic mistakes and insults people like that must be removed. And absolutely right to hammer the Club for its continued misspelling of Carzoorlla's name ;-) - Post No. 29920
Dave 22:15pm 30th Oct 2012
Brilliant. I am loving your anger! Although it might be some kind of medical condition on the part of the person responsible for printing the names. In which case, shame on you! - Post No. 29922
I CANT SPELL PROPER LIKE WOT U CAN 1:47am 31st Oct 2012
But the only clever thing the Hillwood did when selling his Birthright for a pittance to the shysters Dein and Fizbang was to have a caveat that made him chairman for life ! He has no power but they can't get rid of him either ! - Post No. 29925
Response from arsenal online team 7:33am 31st Oct 2012
Dear Iain Tawner. Thank you for your letter. We do our best to get these things write, but sometimes those sorts of players names are impossible to spell propearly. For example for a long time we were told that gervino had an h between the n and the o. That would be stupid. It's the influx of foreign players that is the problem whether it is Andrew Arseshaving or marmaduke champack we always struggle in the first phew weeks. YouR complaint has bin noted and in keeping with all comments from hour customers - sorry supporters - we will completely ignore - Post No. 29927
basil is a gooner 12:21pm 31st Oct 2012
On top of that the stadium announcer against QPR said here is our player of the month, oops I mean Andre Santos! - Post No. 29942
Rocky RIP 12:51pm 31st Oct 2012
Weststandlower- Maybe I need to get a life too, but I agree this stuff is important. Class is in the small details. I sent a letter to the club recently and the reply was so badly written it was an insult. Even the signature part at the bottom, that presumably appears on all this person's official letters, was incorrect. Their job title was missing two letters! We need to raise our game as a club and go back to the one that set itself apart by its attention to detail and sheer class. - Post No. 29953
Mike M 7:51am 1st Nov 2012
It's a question of who needs most help, you for a complete and utter waste of time and effort constructing a pointless article or the Gooner editorial team for actually using it on the website !! are they that devoid of ideas for content ! - Post No. 30003
Any Old Irron 8:10am 1st Nov 2012
Yes, with Christmas not now far off, I expect Santa will forgive them a small indiscretion on the part of a surname error. Perhaps the club should approach him for his view on this and headline it: Santi's claws! Oops... - Post No. 30005
20th May 2013
Online Ed: 4th place trophy and CL qualifier secured