Dear Gus

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Dearest Gus, I write to you with the most worrying of situations foremost in my mind. An aqaintance of mine, one whom is too smooth to mention by name, has recently taken to looking for comfort and pleasure from ladies on websites such as 'stinxofish.com and hardupinhackney.co.uk and at weekend likes to dress in black whilst people shout at him "who is that wanker in the black"

Anyway I digress from m problem, I have taken to having sex with guinea pigs and find that they split too easy, any tips on how to make them last?

Dearest Wayno,

It is good to hear from you again. For reasons that I am sure are close to your, heart you went quiet after the ladyboy incident and that business with Michael Barrymore.

It is hard to lose a loved one, more so when they are just too smooth! However, I feel it is time to move on and not to concentrate on the past but more the future you have in front of you. Nobody has yet got to grips yet with the affliction that is refereeism and sadly I do not think anyone ever will. One can only presume that the poor souls are born with a dodgy chromosone or something similar. However, take heart that he is safe in Hackney, orchestraiting his love life through his PC. Somebody that smooth can never be lonely too long!

Anyhow your second point with regards to guinea pigs is easier to solve. For the extra pound you will find tame rats more durable and less likely to go slack on you at the vinegars. Either that or invest in some good quality duct tape availabe at all good DIY stores. I know I did and my love life has no come on leaps and bounds and I am currently dating a Dutch lopped eared rabbit.

Enjoy!

next!

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Thank you for your advice Gus.

I also forgot to tell you about my addiction problem. It has been going on a while now. I am addicted to a fans forum where I feel the need to get a fix many times a day.
I am also being stalked by my dealer, known as IHH, who is a man of disguise and likes to pose as a bad player who cant defend.
Can you help me?

Lisab.

Basil,

Good to see you again! Did the cream help with the itchiness?

Due to the recent changes in legislation for "having a smoke" I am afraid I can no longer talk to you without compromising my professional standing!

However, if you ever fancy some of Peru's finest its 40's for 0.8g and right off the block! I can also do you a deal on Viagra! I got a shed load for Khalid but apparently the rest of his "snooker" team didn't turn up!

Hear me now!

Next!

[stearmaster]

Dear Gus,

In september this year i am going on holiday with a spud, and a manc!!!!! and i support arsenal, any advice on how to get rid of 2 birds *men* with 1 stone at all?

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Dear Gus,

In september this year i am going on holiday with a spud, and a manc!!!!! and i support arsenal, any advice on how to get rid of 2 birds *men* with 1 stone at all?

Dear Steary,

You made the mistake in the first place, you sort it!

Next!

[Chunky The Gooner]

Dear Gus,
Please can you help me. I am a member of an Arsenal Online Gooner Forum where people chat about Arsenal.
Every time I go on to the forum some sad git has either posted a picture of a naked women's body, or a picture of themselves eating a pie.
It is making me feel very sick and unhappy, and I didnt realise there were so many sad people in this world.
What should I do? Please dont tell me to get a life or to go to another forum, I am not good with change.
Basil.

Basil

Didnt you see Wayno solved this problem with his classic "one for the ladies" thread

[DB10GOONER]

Dear Gus,

Congratulations on the success of your new venture. I'm so relieved you have given up the whole gay porn thing as it really wasn't you.

Anyhoo, onto my problem. One of the dolly's in work has been giving me the old glad eye over the water cooler and has made it quite apparent that a bit of sucky fucky, a good nosh and some rimming are on the cards (well, she said hello as she passed by the other morning, but you get the picture). My problem is I am happily married. Would I be foolish to knock the living arse out of the work dolly or is it justified because I have a penis?

Yours sincerely,
DB10.

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Dear Gus,

Congratulations on the success of your new venture. I'm so relieved you have given up the whole gay porn thing as it really wasn't you.

Anyhoo, onto my problem. One of the dolly's in work has been giving me the old glad eye over the water cooler and has made it quite apparent that a bit of sucky fucky, a good nosh and some rimming are on the cards (well, she said hello as she passed by the other morning, but you get the picture). My problem is I am happily married. Would I be foolish to knock the living arse out of the work dolly or is it justified because I have a penis?

Yours sincerely,
DB10.

Dear DB10,

Good to hear from you, I knew you was a troubled man!

The water cooler is a strange thing. It can lead to many a chance encounter.

If I was you I would be blunt about the situation so then you know where you stand. If she says yes, then if you should choose to, you can bugger the arse off her across the photocopier whilst earning some well earned overtime.

If not, then at least you have some new found "off the wrist" material thinking of might have been.

If I was a single guy, which I am not, I would try and get her in the bowling ball grip on the next work do and see what she makes of it! I am sure that this practise does not actually apply as adultery so legally there is no harm done.

With regards to Mrs DB10, you have to ask yourself a simple question..........is it worth it? As our recently lost friend Mr Flamini may well soon find out, playing away is not often as good as playing at home. You know the pitch your playing on and personally I enjoy the supporters cheering my name as I get stuck in!

All I can say is think long and hard! Plus remember if she is pretty the chances are you will be stirring The One2Smooth's porridge!

Next!

[T.S]

All I can say is think long and hard! Plus remember if she is pretty the chances are you will be stirring The One2Smooth's porridge!

Oh that's just nasty...

[DB10GOONER]

Dear DB10,

Good to hear from you, I knew you was a troubled man!

The water cooler is a strange thing. It can lead to many a chance encounter.

If I was you I would be blunt about the situation so then you know where you stand. If she says yes, then if you should choose to, you can bugger the arse off her across the photocopier whilst earning some well earned overtime.

If not, then at least you have some new found "off the wrist" material thinking of might have been.

If I was a single guy, which I am not, I would try and get her in the bowling ball grip on the next work do and see what she makes of it! I am sure that this practise does not actually apply as adultery so legally there is no harm done.

With regards to Mrs DB10, you have to ask yourself a simple question..........is it worth it? As our recently lost friend Mr Flamini may well soon find out, playing away is not often as good as playing at home. You know the pitch your playing on and personally I enjoy the supporters cheering my name as I get stuck in!

All I can say is think long and hard! Plus remember if she is pretty the chances are you will be stirring The One2Smooth's porridge!

Next!

Now that's quality!

And thank you for your kind advice.

[stearmaster]

Dear Gus,
Please can you help me. I am a member of an Arsenal Online Gooner Forum where people chat about Arsenal.
Every time I go on to the forum some sad git has either posted a picture of a naked women's body, or a picture of themselves eating a pie.
It is making me feel very sick and unhappy, and I didnt realise there were so many sad people in this world.
What should I do? Please dont tell me to get a life or to go to another forum, I am not good with change.
Basil.

Basil

Didnt you see Wayno solved this problem with his classic "one for the ladies" thread

i knew that pic would come back and haunt me lol

[GUS CEASER WAS A WANKER]

DEAR MUPPET
I THINK EBOUE IS A LEGEND AND WANT TO MAKE HIM CAPTAIN FOR LIFE AT THE ARSENAL,, IS THAT WRONG

AND YOUR ADVICE SUCKS BIG TIME AND DO CHANGE YOUR STUPID NAME

[DB10GOONER]

DEAR MUPPET
I THINK EBOUE IS A LEGEND AND WANT TO MAKE HIM CAPTAIN FOR LIFE AT THE ARSENAL,, IS THAT WRONG

AND YOUR ADVICE SUCKS BIG TIME AND DO CHANGE YOUR STUPID NAME

Reb... oops, er sorry - GCWAW is back from the dead...

[Basil is a Gooner]

Didnt you see Wayno solved this problem with his classic "one for the ladies" thread

Yes Chunky I did, unfortunately this alternative treatment set me back weeks and I had to check myself into a private clinic for intensive therapy to recover from this incident.

[Basil is a Gooner]

[quote="gus ceasar is a legend

Good to see you again! Did the cream help with the itchiness?

Dear Gus,
Unfortunately the cream did not help as those irritating little sad people are still annoying me with pictures of mouldy pies in boring places, and with photos that are more appropriate to "Get a Life Club" that a football forum.
Please can you help.

[Magic Merse]

Dear Gus,

I've been haveing a bit of trouble at work recently. When i first joined i was seen as a real go getter, some one to help the company move forward. But a little while in to my employment i had a nasty encounter or two with a beast of a Drogba. And since then my boss's confidence in my just hasn't been the same. That was untill one of my colleges was on holiday in Ghana and i was asked to fill in for him. Everything was going great and i though i had impressed enough to co-run the department whe the guy got back from holiday. Well when he came back i was left out in the cold. I was gutted, i had big hopes and dreams but all i could think of was that my boss still didn't trust me.

Luckily i got another break, i had to fill in again for some top priority meetings. I was soposed to be alert to what was going on around me but i ended up falling asleep in my chair and the meeting was a disarster.

Since then i've heard whispers from colleges that i will be leaving the company soon. I can't take it any more. My boss even gave me paid leave. I talked with my parents but they cant help.

What can i do gus. Please help.

Mr. S