LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

[arseofacrow]

My mate has just returned from Africa.
He now has this irresistible urge to continually buy raffle tickets.
He thinks that he may have caught Tombola!

It made me laugh cos it's so bad.

[Rosie_titters]

What do you call an Indian bloke who like's to do Karaoke?.


Getup n singh

[corkbarry]

An Irish couple took in an 18-year-old girl as a lodger. She asked if
she could have a bath, but the woman of the house told her they didn't
have a bath, although if she wanted one, she could use a tin bath in
front of the fire.

"Monday's the best night, when my husband goes out to darts," she said.

The girl agreed to have a bath the following Monday.

After her husband had gone to the pub for his darts match, the woman
filled the bath and watched the girl get undressed. She was surprised to
see that the lass didn't have any pubic hair. She mentioned this to her
husband when he came home. He didn't believe her, so she said:
"Next Monday, when you go to darts, leave a little early and wait in the
back garden. I'll leave a gap in the curtains so you can see for
yourself."

So the following Monday, while the girl again got undressed, the wife
asked:

"Do you shave?"

"No," replied the girl. "I've just never grown any hair down there. Do
you have hair?"

"Oh, yes," said the woman, and she pulled up her nightdress and showed
the girl that she was really generously endowed in the hair
department.....very generously indeed.

The girl finished her bath and went to bed.

Later that night, when the husband came in, the wife asked him, "Did you
see it?"

"Yes," he said, "but why the hell did you have to show her yours."

"Why are you worried about that?" she said. "You've seen it often enough
before."

"I know," he said, "but the darts team hadn't!"

[augie]

[Bradywasking]

The clocks went back at 2am this morning, if Leeds United had appointed a new manager at 1.30am they could have then sacked him thirty minutes before appointing him.

[LDB]

If at first you don't succeed,

Fucking kill yourself you useless c.unt

[Rosie_titters]

fee fi fo fum, fum, fo, fi, fee

Chris Eubank calling out his phone number

[Rosie_titters]

****Breaking News****

The Chuckle Brothers have been arrested in relation to historic child abuse in the 70s

To me, To Yew-tree

[Top Londoner]

‘My parents sat and listened to Cliff when I was young, instead of coming into my room and stopping him’.



WENGER OUT

[DB10GOONER]

‘My parents sat and listened to Cliff when I was young, instead of coming into my room and stopping him’.



WENGER OUT

[Bradywasking]

Out for a walk this morning and i found a suitcase on the road, I opened the suitcase and inside was five kittens. I rang the RSPCA and said to the lady "I have just found a suitcase with five kittens in it "... She replied " ok, are they moving?" I replied to her "don't know, but it might explain the suitcase"..

[DB10GOONER]

My girlfriend broke up with me after she found out what my mates used to call me at school.

John Venables.

[SPUDMASHER]

When I was 12 I found a dominatrix porn mag on a train, I took it home and put it under my bed. My parents found it, but they never spanked me again.

[SPUDMASHER]

I was very proud of my dad when I was at primary school and told everyone I went to school with that my dad was a soldier, a fireman and a policeman. Turns out, he was just a stripper

[SPUDMASHER]

Stephen Hawking had his first date for 10 years last week. He came back, his glasses were smashed, he had a broken wrist, a twisted ankle and grazed knees; apparently, she stood him up!