LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
OneBardGooner wrote:
DB10GOONER wrote:
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
DB10GOONER wrote:
:lol:

Your missus counts me as a whole one - and a half! :lol: 8)


:wink:
:lol:

Ahh so your the reason I've often found my stepladders next to my bed :rubchin:
:lol:

You should be more concerned by the buckets of pubes... :shock:

:D :wink:

:shock: :shock: :shock:
:shock:

You were in there as well, huh? Dirty hairy little Ewok... :banghead:

:lol: :wink:

Makes sense now, the missus did say she kept hearing critters running around the bedroom so she bought some mouse traps so just watch out fellas 8) :lol:

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Henry Norris 1913
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Henry Norris 1913 »

DB10GOONER wrote:
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:Never fuck a woman that can spell gonorrhea correctly the first time she tries.
:coffeespit:
is that how people from belfast say gone away? :?

:oops: :wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

As my wife lay in the coma the doctors approached the life support machine.

"No, no, please," I sobbed, "just a little while longer. "

But my pleading didn't help. They woke her up.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

This just in...Sutton UTD are set to bring the FA Cup in to disrepute by fielding a weakened team against Arsenal

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I've just come back from a meeting with my Psychiatrist, she says that I'm suffering from Xenophobia.

I'll bet any money that I caught it from some foreign bastard.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead.What do you think of that?" 
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver." 
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. 
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. 
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." 
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:18 am
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. 
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. 
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." 
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
:coffeespit:

Return to form for Lefty! :lol: 8)

And about time too you lazy dwarf! :banghead:

:wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:22 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:18 am
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration. 
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles. 
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster." 
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
:coffeespit:

Return to form for Lefty! :lol: 8)

And about time too you lazy dwarf! :banghead:

:wink:
:lol:

Yes been a while :wink:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:25 am
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup"
:lol: :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I see Scotland are out. Mind you, I thought the bright pink kit was a bit of a give-away.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

You gotta hand it to midgets. Because some times they can't reach.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram Son: Thanks dad Dad: No problem Alan

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold." Hope so, I've got no tissues left

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