LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:23 pm
DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:16 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am
I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
:lol:

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road... :lol: :box:
DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:16 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am
I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
:lol:

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road... :lol: :box:
:lol:

My wife's a blonde and a while back she wrote down a to do list for me, one said "check the egg horse"? I was saying this time and time again to myself then it clicked, the fuckin car exhaust :lol:
She is dyslexic mind so not many jokes there :barscarf:

This morning I saw a note that read "Richtual", a quick deduction and I'm sure it was Ritual because she had seen a trailer of a film she wanted to see :lol:

She is beautiful though :barscarf:
:lol: :lol:

Ah, bless. :wink:

I once dated a blonde bird from a town called "Drogheda" in Oireland. She was absolutely stunning. I mean seriously really beautiful. Met her in a loud noisy nightclub and had a few beers on me. Arranged to bring her out for a bite to eat the following night and sweet dear Jesus she had the worst fucking bogger culchie Drogheda accent I've ever heard and she was thicker than pigshit. Stuck with her long enough to get the sucky fucky and then promptly got the hell outa there!

That Drogheda accent is one of the worst in Oireland. It's appalling. They pronounce Mars Bar as "Maz bah" and even pronounce their own town name as "Daaahhdah". On a bird it's simply appalling. :|


With apologies to our culchie viewers. But anyway, stop looking through your Dublin neighbour's window at the big shiney box. It's called a "television" and you can buy them in the shops ffs. Now get back out into that field. Those goats won't fuck themselves! :D :wink:

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GranadaJoe
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by GranadaJoe »

Excellent return to form. Try not to leave it so long next time.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:37 pm
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:23 pm
DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:16 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am
I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
:lol:

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road... :lol: :box:
DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:16 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am
I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.
:lol:

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road... :lol: :box:
:lol:

My wife's a blonde and a while back she wrote down a to do list for me, one said "check the egg horse"? I was saying this time and time again to myself then it clicked, the fuckin car exhaust :lol:
She is dyslexic mind so not many jokes there :barscarf:

This morning I saw a note that read "Richtual", a quick deduction and I'm sure it was Ritual because she had seen a trailer of a film she wanted to see :lol:

She is beautiful though :barscarf:
:lol: :lol:

Ah, bless. :wink:

I once dated a blonde bird from a town called "Drogheda" in Oireland. She was absolutely stunning. I mean seriously really beautiful. Met her in a loud noisy nightclub and had a few beers on me. Arranged to bring her out for a bite to eat the following night and sweet dear Jesus she had the worst fucking bogger culchie Drogheda accent I've ever heard and she was thicker than pigshit. Stuck with her long enough to get the sucky fucky and then promptly got the hell outa there!

That Drogheda accent is one of the worst in Oireland. It's appalling. They pronounce Mars Bar as "Maz bah" and even pronounce their own town name as "Daaahhdah". On a bird it's simply appalling. :|


With apologies to our culchie viewers. But anyway, stop looking through your Dublin neighbour's window at the big shiney box. It's called a "television" and you can buy them in the shops ffs. Now get back out into that field. Those goats won't fuck themselves! :D :wink:
:lol:

At least she couldn't talk whilst sucking

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

GranadaJoe wrote:
Wed Oct 11, 2017 12:40 pm
Excellent return to form. Try not to leave it so long next time.
Cheers and noted :lol:

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olgitgooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by olgitgooner »

Bill and Harry were lifelong mates. They went through school together. Got married and had children and grandchildren at about the same time. They and their families were intertwined. Their great love in life was always football.
Time passed. Harry was very ill and was obviously soon to meet his maker. Bill said to him...."I wonder if they have football in heaven? Please Harry, try to get a message to me and let me know". Harry promised to try his best.
Some weeks after Harry's passing, Bill was woken from his sleep by a very bright light. And a voice that said "Bill...it's me....Harry. Heaven is wonderful. I've got some great news for you. And also some not so good news. The good news is that there IS football in heaven. Also all our old football mates are there. Also we are all like we were when we were younger. We look great. We can run all day long. Also our wives are young and beautiful. Heaven is lovely".
" That all sounds fantastic Harry. But what's the not so good news?".
"Ah!" said Harry........" You're in the team this Saturday ".
:(
Ok. I'll get me coat :oops:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Courtesy of Rick Wakeman:

A man goes to his doctor's for his annual check up, which includes a Prostate examination.

The doctor asks the man to 'Drop his duds and cacks and lie down on the treatment table in the foetal position', which he does...the man hears the slap, slap of the doctor putting on rubber gloves and a squeezing sound, he then feels the coldness of some lube being rubbed around his sphincter area.

The doctor says 'No need to worry, just relax' then begins to gently probe away feeling for any anomalies...as he is doing so he says to the patient..'Please don't be embarrassed it isn't unusual to get an erection during this kind of procedure'...and the man says... 'But I haven't got an erection!' ...and the doctor replies....'I know, but I have'.

:D

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Sun Nov 12, 2017 9:03 am
Courtesy of Rick Wakeman:

A man goes to his doctor's for his annual check up, which includes a Prostate examination.

The doctor asks the man to 'Drop his duds and cacks and lie down on the treatment table in the foetal position', which he does...the man hears the slap, slap of the doctor putting on rubber gloves and a squeezing sound, he then feels the coldness of some lube being rubbed around his sphincter area.

The doctor says 'No need to worry, just relax' then begins to gently probe away feeling for any anomalies...as he is doing so he says to the patient..'Please don't be embarrassed it isn't unusual to get an erection during this kind of procedure'...and the man says... 'But I haven't got an erection!' ...and the doctor replies....'I know, but I have'.

:D
:lol: :lol:

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

Image

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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

phpBB [video]

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Bradywasking
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Bradywasking »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:16 pm
Image

"Stevie G..it's all down to me" has been selected in terms UEFA team of the 21st century ahead of Pirlo, Keane, Vieira, Scholes, Schwiensteiger, Alonso etc etc...Now that is a joke..

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Bradywasking wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:10 am
OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:16 pm
Image

"Stevie G..it's all down to me" has been selected in terms UEFA team of the 21st century ahead of Pirlo, Keane, Vieira, Scholes, Schwiensteiger, Alonso etc etc...Now that is a joke..
It's voted for by fanboys and morons. :wink:

It's made up of the players who have been voted the most times in the annual UEFA Team of the Year which is voted for through a poll on UEFA's website. Dear Christ. I'm suprised one of the fucking Kardashians didn't get on that team. :oops: :lol:

So the cúnts that vote for it are the type of shitsacks that put things on their Facebook pages like "Die hard Gooner, Arsene Wenger my hero, I love and die for Arsenal London for my life and love Barcelona and Chelsea". :oops: :censored:

You know - wánkers. :lol: :wink:

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Bradywasking
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by Bradywasking »

DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:41 am
Bradywasking wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:10 am
OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:16 pm
Image

"Stevie G..it's all down to me" has been selected in terms UEFA team of the 21st century ahead of Pirlo, Keane, Vieira, Scholes, Schwiensteiger, Alonso etc etc...Now that is a joke..
It's voted for by fanboys and morons. :wink:

It's made up of the players who have been voted the most times in the annual UEFA Team of the Year which is voted for through a poll on UEFA's website. Dear Christ. I'm suprised one of the fucking Kardashians didn't get on that team. :oops: :lol:

So the cúnts that vote for it are the type of shitsacks that put things on their Facebook pages like "Die hard Gooner, Arsene Wenger my hero, I love and die for Arsenal London for my life and love Barcelona and Chelsea". :oops: :censored:

You know - wánkers. :lol: :wink:
Oh I know the sort..." I'm an Arsenal fan but I hope Burnley beat us because they have more Oirish players" type of morons....or " I'm a big Leinster rugger fan but once we are out of the Heino Cup I will cheer for Munster or Ulster "
As for Stevie G , Sky told them he was a world class player so therefore he must be a world class player.

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by DB10GOONER »

Bradywasking wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 1:43 pm
DB10GOONER wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 11:41 am
Bradywasking wrote:
Wed Nov 22, 2017 10:10 am
OneBardGooner wrote:
Tue Nov 21, 2017 6:16 pm
Image

"Stevie G..it's all down to me" has been selected in terms UEFA team of the 21st century ahead of Pirlo, Keane, Vieira, Scholes, Schwiensteiger, Alonso etc etc...Now that is a joke..
It's voted for by fanboys and morons. :wink:

It's made up of the players who have been voted the most times in the annual UEFA Team of the Year which is voted for through a poll on UEFA's website. Dear Christ. I'm suprised one of the fucking Kardashians didn't get on that team. :oops: :lol:

So the cúnts that vote for it are the type of shitsacks that put things on their Facebook pages like "Die hard Gooner, Arsene Wenger my hero, I love and die for Arsenal London for my life and love Barcelona and Chelsea". :oops: :censored:

You know - wánkers. :lol: :wink:
Oh I know the sort..." I'm an Arsenal fan but I hope Burnley beat us because they have more Oirish players" type of morons....or " I'm a big Leinster rugger fan but once we are out of the Heino Cup I will cheer for Munster or Ulster "
As for Stevie G , Sky told them he was a world class player so therefore he must be a world class player.
Yep, part of the SlySports Premier League mythology.... even though he never actually won the Premier League... :lol: :lol:

For me you cannot be world class if you have never won the league. :D 8) Of course that by itself doesn't make a player world class but it is one of the criteria you must have.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

It's a joke thread lads :roll:

Fuck off :lol:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My dick is a lot like Marmite.

My wife hates it when I rub it on her toast.

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