LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

If I had a pound for every time I thought about my wife,

I'd probably start thinking about her.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I asked my Welsh friend how many sexual partners he'd had.

He started counting but he fell asleep.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Dear Deirdre. My boyfriend's a right dick! He told me the best cure for constipation was anal sex. I didn't believe him but after some persuasion, he talked me into it and I let him stick his big fat knob into my tiny little arsehole. He shagged me up the bum really hard then after a while, shot his muck, deep into my bowels. He's just rung me this morning saying he wants to try it again as he's still constipated.
What should I do?

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

Scientists have just announced today that Dolphins are second to man in intelligence levels. So that pushes women down to third place.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My wife went fucking mental earlier when I called her a big fat rhino. She was screaming and shouting at me, calling me every name under the sun and threatening to beat the fuck out of me. I just stood there, frozen to the spot. Which was the safest thing to do as her vision's based mainly on movement.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I was blessed with a 9 inch penis.

That priest is in jail now.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

The wife was trying to be sexy for me last night. When I came up the stairs, I found her lying naked on the bed, licking a lollipop. Then she slipped it up her fanny... I said, "Careful with that, love. You'll need it to help the children across the road tomorrow..."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I went to the sperm clinic today, the receptionist asked if I would like to masturbate in the cup... I said, "I'm good, but I'm not sure I'm ready for competition."

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

What will happen at the first lesbian divorce? How will both of them get three quarters of everything?

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

"It's a bit cold out today" My grandad said as he walked into my house. "Tell me something I don't know" I said.
"Your Nans arse can take my whole fist"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

I refused to believe I was gay and dyslexic.

I was in Daniel.

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OneBardGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by OneBardGooner »

:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent mate! - Cheered me up no end - especially after the shyte day I've had in work! :high5:

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

A man is sitting on a train opposite a busty blonde wearing a tiny mini skirt. Despite his efforts, he is unable to stop staring at the top of her thighs. To his delight, he realizes she hasn't got any knickers on. The blonde realizes he is staring and asks, "Are you looking at my pussy?" "Yes, I"m sorry," replies the man,and promises to stop looking "It"s quite alright," replies the woman, "It"s very talented, watch this, I"ll make it blow a kiss to you." Sure enough the pussy blows him a kiss. The man, who is completely stunned, asks what else the wonder pussy can do. "I can also make it wink," says the woman. The man stares in amazement as the pussy winks at him. "Come and sit next to me," suggests the woman, patting the seat. The man moves over and is asked, "Would you like to stick a couple of fingers in?" Stunned, the man replies, "Good grief! Can it whistle too?!"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

OneBardGooner wrote:
Thu Dec 07, 2017 6:41 pm
:lol: :lol: :lol: :lol: Excellent mate! - Cheered me up no end - especially after the shyte day I've had in work! :high5:
Glad to hear it mate :barscarf:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 10211
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Post by LeftfootlegendGooner »

My wife was diagnosed with multiple personality disorder... And, just my luck, not one of them likes sucking cock.

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