LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

It's all a load of Cannonballs in here! This is the virtual Arsenal pub where you can chat about anything except football. Be warned though, like any pub, the content may not always be suitable for everyone.
LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:08 am

I'll act my age when I'm 69.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:11 am

The thing I hate most of all about Christmas is the Queen's speech. I still watch it though.
Cock in hand, awaiting that elusive tit slip

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:13 am

I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas. Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:14 am

A Chav kid was giving me cheek today, so I told him "Santa isn't real. Your Dad buys your presents." He looked at me blankly and said "Who?"

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:15 am

Marks And Spencers new advert states that it wouldn't be Christmas without M&S.
They're right too. It'd be Chrita.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:16 am

Merry Christmas 2010!
From, Royal Mail

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:21 am

I don't tell sexist jokes at parties any more.

They're too complicated for women.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:23 am

Whenever I see anyone open their mouths, I just wanna shove my cock in.
Which is probably why I'm not a dentist anymore.

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 6834
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:24 am

I've got a new aftershave that smells like breadcrumbs.

The birds love it.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:26 am

I used to be perfectly sane before I lost my penis.

Now I'm just nuts.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:27 am

If you were born in Gotham City and your first name is 'The', there's a good chance you'll turn out to be a villain.

LeftfootlegendGooner
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Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:29 am

I've come up with the perfect system that pays out every time I go to the bookies.

Watch who wins then mug them on the way home.

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:29 am

Whenever I see anyone open their mouths, I just wanna shove my cock in.
Which is probably why I'm not a dentist anymore.
:lol: :lol: :lol:

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DB10GOONER
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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby DB10GOONER » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:30 am

I got one of those Dyson Ball Cleaners for Christmas. Unfortunately, I misunderstood what it was, which is why I'm now in casualty...
:lol: :lol:

That's not a joke, it's an anecdote mate, isn't it? :shock: :lol:

:wink:

LeftfootlegendGooner
Posts: 6834
Joined: Fri Jan 09, 2009 1:07 pm

Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread

Postby LeftfootlegendGooner » Thu Dec 14, 2017 11:30 am

I spotted a tiger at the zoo yesterday.

It looks like a leopard now.


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