The Gooner Forum

Car of the year 2024 as voted for by the readers of Women's Own is..........

A blue one!!

Me and the wife have just been to the cinema to see that film Suffragette.

Two hours of a woman's struggle........full of tears, aggression, sadness, anger and frustration.

Anyway, after she finally managed to park the car we rushed in and caught the credits...

When employing someone, gather all the C.V.s together and randomly split them into two piles.
Take one pile and throw it in the bin.

This stops you employing anyone unlucky.

Jokes about sugar are rare.
Jokes about brown sugar - Demerara.

What they should really say on those cooking shows: "Hello and welcome to 'Pointless Cooking That Has Nothing To Do With Anyone's Actual Life'.
Today, we are making a very complicated recipe, using ingredients you don't have, utensils you've never heard of, and in a kitchen that is bigger than your whole fucking house."

I'm not saying you should totally distrust the internet, but there's a huge discrepancy between the number of iPads I've won,
and the number of iPads i own

Absolute Laugh Out Loud one's Lefty...

Loved the Jihaddy and Scooby one's had to stop drinking my coffee till I finished reading them all

and as ever 'Thank-you' for really cheering me up.

Made me laugh too, Lefty. Thank you.

Glad you like them guys

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winters morning: "
Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it"
Wife texts back: "Computer completely fucked now."

I've just bought a house with old period features.

She fucking hates it when I call her that.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Apr 22, 2024 6:07 pm

"You will always remember this day as the happiest day of your life"

"But the Wedding is not until tomorrow dad"

"I know, son"

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Tue Apr 23, 2024 4:41 pm

Wife texts husband at work on a cold winters morning: "
Windows frozen."
Husband texts back: "Pour some lukewarm water over it"
Wife texts back: "Computer completely fucked now."

The wife was getting dressed up for a night out with her mates, walked into the lounge and asked me to rate her.

"8 or 9 at least." I said.

"Out of 10?" she smiled... "Thanks, Babe, I'm flattered."

Didn't have the heart to tell her I meant pints.

Men. Examine your own prostate by simply wiping your arse with Aldi value toilet roll.