The official joke thread

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Should stick to what they are good at........ being violin playing diddly diddly men!

[DB10GOONER]

Should stick to what they are good at........

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Should stick to what they are good at........

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

Every girl likes a bit of rough once in her life but after a while they realise they like someone who can hold a conversation as well as they can hold a trowel!

[SPUDMASHER]

Should stick to what they are good at........

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

Every girl likes a bit of rough once in her life but after a while they realise they like someone who can hold a conversation as well as they can hold a trowel!

Quality

[DB10GOONER]

Should stick to what they are good at........

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

Every girl likes a bit of rough once in her life but after a while they realise they like someone who can hold a conversation as well as they can hold a trowel!

Or hold back the muck until the lady is ready - something you Enger-lish lads are a bit shit at, apparently...

[gus ceasar is a legend]

Should stick to what they are good at........

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

Every girl likes a bit of rough once in her life but after a while they realise they like someone who can hold a conversation as well as they can hold a trowel!

Or hold back the muck until the lady is ready - something you Enger-lish lads are a bit shit at, apparently...

Well you Oirish guys do know how to work on a hole properly! You spend most of your lives digging them for us!

[DB10GOONER]

Should stick to what they are good at........

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

Every girl likes a bit of rough once in her life but after a while they realise they like someone who can hold a conversation as well as they can hold a trowel!

Or hold back the muck until the lady is ready - something you Enger-lish lads are a bit shit at, apparently...

Well you Oirish guys do know how to work on a hole properly! You spend most of your lives digging them for us!

This from a nation of actors!

To paraphrase the great Oirish writer and poet John B Keane;

"The average English man historically takes to acting and the stage because, at heart, in their mass subconcious and in the post war psyche that only victory can induce, they are, to a man, a crowd of batty boys."

[SPUDMASHER]

Using my Dublin accent to help me fuck all your women...

Every girl likes a bit of rough once in her life but after a while they realise they like someone who can hold a conversation as well as they can hold a trowel!

Or hold back the muck until the lady is ready - something you Enger-lish lads are a bit shit at, apparently...

Well you Oirish guys do know how to work on a hole properly! You spend most of your lives digging them for us!

This from a nation of actors!

To paraphrase the great Oirish writer and poet John B Keane;

"The average English man historically takes to acting and the stage because, at heart, in their mass subconcious and in the post war psyche that only victory can induce, they are, to a man, a crowd of batty boys."

You bastardhole, I laughed out loud at that one and now I have to explain myself in the office.

[Chippy]

[stg]

Ramos was at Shite hart lane talking to the groundsman.
So how do you get the pitch looking so good for matchdays?
Thats the easy part said the groundsman, I just wait for matchday then you put 70 million pounds of shit on it.
Whats the hard part then asked Ramos
Mending the holes where Huddlestone runs

[Postman]

A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having the baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in an adult movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear.
The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

[SWLGooner]

Three couples at a tea party.
First guy says "Pass the sugar, sugar."
Second one "pass the honey honey"
Third one says "Pass the teabag..."

[DB10GOONER]

A young lady in the maternity ward, just prior to labor, is asked by the midwife if she would like her husband to be present at the birth.
"I'm afraid I don't have a husband," she replies.
"O.K. do you have a boyfriend?", asks the Midwife.
"No, no boyfriend either." "Do you have a partner then?"
"No, I'm unattached, I'll be having the baby on my own."
After the birth the midwife again speaks to the young woman. "You have a healthy bouncing baby girl, but I must warn you before you see her that the baby is black."
"Well," replies the girl. "I was very down on my luck, with no money and nowhere to live, and so I accepted a job in an adult movie. The lead man was black."
"Oh, I'm very sorry," says the midwife, "that's really none of my business and I'm sorry that I have to ask you these awkward questions but I must also tell you that the baby has blonde hair."
"Well yes," the girl again replies, "you see I desperately needed the money and there was this Swedish guy also involved in the movie, what else could I do?"
"Oh, I'm sorry," the midwife repeats, "that's really none of my business and I hate to pry further but your baby has slanted eyes."
"Well yes," continues the girl, "I was incredibly hard up and there was a little Chinese man also in the movie, I really had no choice."
At this the midwife again apologizes collects the baby and presents her to the girl, who immediately proceeds to give baby a slap on the rear.
The baby starts crying and the mother exclaims, "Well thank God for that!"
"What do you mean?!" says the midwife, shocked.
"Well," says the girl extremely relieved, "I had this horrible feeling that she was going to bark."

Tin hats ON!

But it is piss funny!
Quality.

[SWLGooner]

Good one Postman.

[tomkingsbury]

nothing worse than after sex looking down and seeing that limp used condom hanging off your dick. Particularly when you weren't wearing one when you started!!

had a chinese last night. nearly died when i saw a pair of eyes looking out of the noodles... turns out it was the peeking duck.

kids dont know how lucky they are these days. when i was young we didnt have paedophiles, we had to buy our own fucking sweets....

a man staying at the ritz hotel in london removes a card offering sexual services from a phonebox. back at the hotel he rings the number. a lady witha silky voice answers and asks if she can be of any assistance. the man says, " i'd like a blow job, a shag doggie style, mild bondage, finishing off with a soapy tit *****. is that ok?"
the lady says, "it sounds interesting sir, but you might like to dial 9 for an outside line first!'

2 gays, rupert and cecil r lying in bed together when rupert strats rubbing vaseline into his chest. cecil asks what he is doing, and rupert says he read in a gay mag that vaseline stimulates hair growth. Cecil says "dont be so fuckign stupid, if that were true, i'd have a ponytail stickign out of my arse!"