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Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 10:42 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Makes sense now, the missus did say she kept hearing critters running around the bedroom so she bought some mouse traps so just watch out fellas
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Tue Feb 14, 2017 8:45 pm
by Henry Norris 1913
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 12:41 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
As my wife lay in the coma the doctors approached the life support machine.
"No, no, please," I sobbed, "just a little while longer. "
But my pleading didn't help. They woke her up.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 12:48 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
This just in...Sutton UTD are set to bring the FA Cup in to disrepute by fielding a weakened team against Arsenal
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Fri Feb 17, 2017 12:50 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I've just come back from a meeting with my Psychiatrist, she says that I'm suffering from Xenophobia.
I'll bet any money that I caught it from some foreign bastard.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:13 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A 90-year-old man said to his doctor, "I've never felt better. I have an18-year-old bride who is pregnant with my child. What do you think about that?"
The doctor considered his question for a minute and then said, "I have an elderly friend who is a hunter and never misses a season. One day when he was going out in a bit of a hurry, he accidentally picked up his umbrella instead of his gun. When he got to the Creek, he saw a beaver sitting beside the stream. He raised his umbrella and went, 'bang, bang' and the beaver fell dead.What do you think of that?"
The 90-year-old said, "I'd say somebody else shot that beaver."
The doctor replied, "My point exactly."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:18 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:22 am
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:18 am
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Return to form for Lefty!
And about time too you lazy dwarf!
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:25 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:28 am
by LeftfootlegendGooner
DB10GOONER wrote: ↑Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:22 am
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:18 am
A fire fighter is working on the engine outside the station when he notices a little boy next door in a little red wagon with a tiny ladders hung off the side and a garden hose tightly coiled in the middle. The boy is wearing a fire fighter's helmet and has the wagon tied to a dog and a cat. The fire fighter walks over to take a closer look. "That sure is a nice fire truck," the fire fighter says with admiration.
"Thanks," says the little boy. As the fire fighter looks a little closer, he notices the boy has tied the wagon to the dog's collar and to the cat's testicles.
"Little partner," the fire fighter says, "I don't want to tell you how to run your fire truck, but if you were to tie that rope around the cat's collar, I think you could go faster."
The little boy says, "You're probably right, but then I wouldn't have a siren."
Return to form for Lefty!
And about time too you lazy dwarf!
Yes been a while
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:33 am
by DB10GOONER
LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑Mon Oct 09, 2017 11:25 am
An old man and an old lady are getting ready for bed one night when all of a sudden the woman bursts out of the bathroom, flings open her robe and yells "Super Pussy!" The old man says "I'll have the soup"
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 12:57 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
I see Scotland are out. Mind you, I thought the bright pink kit was a bit of a give-away.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:10 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
You gotta hand it to midgets. Because some times they can't reach.
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:12 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Son: Why is my sister called Teresa? Dad: Coz your mum loves Easter - it's an anagram Son: Thanks dad Dad: No problem Alan
Re: LeftfootlegendGooner's Friday joke thread
Posted: Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:17 pm
by LeftfootlegendGooner
Daily Mail online: "Masturbation may help prevent the common cold." Hope so, I've got no tissues left
