The Gooner Forum

My internet was down yesterday so I chatted to my wife for a change, and was surprised to learn that she didn't work for Woolworths anymore

How can Transgender people expect everyone to accept who they are, when they can't even do that to themselves?

I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?

"I love you lots, snuggles." The girlfriend announced earlier. "And I love you tons." I replied. "Oh, I see." She said, in a huff. "You've got no nickname for me, then?" Sometimes I swear the fat cunnt's going deaf.

If you kill yourself , it's called suicide .If you kill someone , it's called homicide .If you kill thousands , it's called genocide .If you kill the King , it's called regicide .If you kill your brother , it's called fratricide .And , if you have 2 Premier League teams , and neither have won the League for over 20 years , it's called Merseyside .

My girlfriend told me she'd slept with seven people before we met. I wouldn't mind, but I was only 20 minutes late.

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Steven.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:31 pm

"I love you lots, snuggles." The girlfriend announced earlier. "And I love you tons." I replied. "Oh, I see." She said, in a huff. "You've got no nickname for me, then?" Sometimes I swear the fat *word censored*'s going deaf.

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:27 pm

I wonder what Cambridge University Netball Team abbreviate their name to?

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Mon Oct 09, 2017 1:48 pm

How many dyslexics does it take to change a lightbulb?

Steven.

And his brother Clive.

I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.

Tragic news from the Nestle factory today as a worker was crushed to death under hundreds of boxes of chocolates. He tried in vain to get help but every time he shouted, "The milky bars are on me!!" --his fellow workmates just cheered.

A famous heart surgeon died and everyone was gathered at his funeral. A coffin was displayed in front of a huge heart. When the minister finished with the sermon and after everyone had paid their respects, the heart was opened, the coffin rolled inside, and the heart closed. Just at that moment one of the mourners started laughing. The guy next to him said "control yourself man"

"I'm sorry" he replied, "I was thinking about my own funeral".

"What's so funny about that"?

"I'm a gynecologist".

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am

I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road...

DB10GOONER wrote: ↑

Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:16 am

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am

I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road...

DB10GOONER wrote: ↑

Wed Oct 11, 2017 10:16 am

LeftfootlegendGooner wrote: ↑

Wed Oct 11, 2017 9:33 am

I was worried that the mechanic would rip me off because I was a blonde woman. Imagine my relief when I found out that I only needed indicator fluid.

That sounds like my sister-in-law... and Dessie the mechanic down the road...

My wife's a blonde and a while back she wrote down a to do list for me, one said "check the egg horse"? I was saying this time and time again to myself then it clicked, the fuckin car exhaust
She is dyslexic mind so not many jokes there

This morning I saw a note that read "Richtual", a quick deduction and I'm sure it was Ritual because she had seen a trailer of a film she wanted to see

She is beautiful though