The Gooner Forum

Due to popular demand my surgery has now reopend its doors to the low life scum that inhabits this lowest part of the forum. In the food chain they are known as bottom feeders but I have a horrible suspicion that Wayno may also indulge in something similar.

If you are looking to be molly coddled you have come to the wrong place.

Sexual problems are my speciality.

dear gus
all my so called friends have been calling me mean things lately, what have i done to deserve this

Friends he says!

No seriously enough of the jokes as I want this to be a respectable thread!

Dear Gus,

A stupid question to help you get into the swing of your practice again.

Should I grow a 'Jedi braid'. If you've seen the newer movies (ep. 1-3) you should understand.

Dear RaM,

This is a tough one for me as I have little knowledge of Australian fashion. The only outfits I regularily see Aussies in are the uniforms they wear to work behind our bars in.

I think you have to ask yourself the question why would you want one of these. Are you a Jedi? No! If you were you wouldn't be asking me but asking Yoda. Will this make you more attractive to the opposite sex? If yes, then I suggest you reassess the type of lady you see as ideal. Will your friends see you as cool. Yes maybe, if your friends happen to be My Little Ponies.



As my illustration suggests, a little extra hair on the ugliest of people really does not help matters at all. If possible, they may actually look more stupid!

The long and the short of it RaM is that no matter how hard you try me old son, you cannot polish a turd.

Next!

This thread should definately be a sticky in the main forum! get Rebel MOD on the case!!

Thankyou Oh Wise Gus!

*bows*


Your infinite wisdom will be followed to the letter. I will not grow a braid.

And I'll think of another question for you soon too.

Dear Gus

I have some big news to reveal to all my friends and family and, after recent revelations highlighted in your signature, am heartened and feel I have the confidence to be my self. But I have a worry: I can't wear white and tight although I do have rather fine legs.

Can you suggest for me some appropriate clothes which will be in tune with my preferred lifestyle but which do not make me feel constricted - after all, I want to be as free as an Irishman

gus ceasar is a legend wrote:Due to popular demand my surgery has now reopend its doors to the low life scum that inhabits this lowest part of the forum. In the food chain they are known as bottom feeders but I have a horrible suspicion that Wayno may also indulge in something similar.

If you are looking to be molly coddled you have come to the wrong place.

Sexual problems are my speciality.

so we have heard Gus....

dear gus:

sometimes i black out and wake up three days later with blood all over me that is not my own. this can be inconvenient. are there any holistic remedies you could suggest?

Galasso wrote:Dear Gus

I have some big news to reveal to all my friends and family and, after recent revelations highlighted in your signature, am heartened and feel I have the confidence to be my self. But I have a worry: I can't wear white and tight although I do have rather fine legs.

Can you suggest for me some appropriate clothes which will be in tune with my preferred lifestyle but which do not make me feel constricted - after all, I want to be as free as an Irishman

Dear Galasso,

I am afraid that gay fashion is not my forte and for that I thank the lord each day.

I do know of a specialist website though which helps cater for this sort of thing www.rebelstrannywear.com and I believe you can pick up some useful hints and tips in their styling section.

I am pleased you have found the courage and strength to come out and be open about your sexuality. It saves the rest of us time wondering you see and now we know positively to stay well clear of you.

Happy bottom bothering.

Next!

U.F.G Anfield '89 wrote:dear gus:

sometimes i black out and wake up three days later with blood all over me that is not my own. this can be inconvenient. are there any holistic remedies you could suggest?

Dear UFG,

Damn right it is inconveinient...........you are a pilot!

The first thing to do is to analyse the social circles you move in. Nights out with Shane McGowan and Pete Docherty may well be fun but ijn the end they take their toll.

Also you could look into gradually reducing your alcohol intake. Maybe try lager on your cornflakes instead of gin?

I am all for holisitic methods and I can supply these via private perscription. My hugely successful Moon Dust Therapy Drink is available to yourself at a discounted price of £386 for a 30 day supply.

Cash only!

Next!

Dear Gus,

A colleague has just been promoted in my workplace and although he seems to be a tits-loving, 100% hetrosexual, man's man on the surface, I'm a bit concerned as to which team he really bats for!! Not that I have anything against my bottom-bumping buddies, but he has been making comments which have left me feeling decidely uncomfortable and questioning his true intentions. wned:

Also, he always comes to work in a tight-fitting white/cream one-piece that shows off his 'assets' (or lack of them) - and if he is required to attend a meeting - white trousers, white shoes with matching socks and a pink or yellow vest.

He often can be heard making crude and sexually suggestive remarks and, worst of all, insists on playing - at very high volume - the Greatest Hits of The Village People, Elton John and Will Young on his Walkman throughout the day!!

Strange thing is that since he's been promoted, there has been a constant stream of woman joining our work place. Now I'm a good looking and intelligent lad but doubt I'm the sole reason for the influx of babes. So is it really true that women feel more comfortable socialising with gay men, and should I be concerned about my colleague's 'habits'? Your advice would be greatly appreciated.

Dear Gus

A recent **** aquaintance has mistaken me for a member of the opposite sex. How do i let this **** friend know that i am really a stubbly straight irishman and not the sweet celtic colleen he obviously fantasisies about, without hurting his feelings?

Am afraid that the shock could send him to eating pies to relieve his devastation ...........

Please help

Rossie.