Kieran: The Final Frontier-ney?

Why Arsenal need to get their business completed for the Celtic left-back

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Like an unhinged defender joining our ranks upon noticing the dearth of quality in our backline whilst simultaneously ignoring our long-standing track record of volcanically soiling our own footballing bed linen; I am opportunistically positioning myself as The Gooner’s vacant, resident Kieran Tierney expert.

Even at the expense of my excommunication from the parish.

My Catholic credentials speak for themselves as I expand them:

Coming from a city/family divided by the religious and political hatred of the Old Firm, I believe I can speak with some distance and rationality when analysing Kieran Tierney purely as a footballer. The Lanarkshire left-back isn’t quite the Roberto Carlos some sections of Glasgow would have you believing but he certainly won’t be exposed under increased surveillance like André Santos and that speed camera on the A41.

If he does sign and complete our business for this summer’s transfer-window (barring some new; tasty; last-minute; central defender-plaything we can break!) the comparisons with Andy Robertson will quickly become redundant. There’s only so many times Michael Owen can utter streams of his own consciousness in the realisation that yes, they are both from Scotland. And yes, they are both left-sided attacking full-backs.

However, from the volume of Celtic and Scottish international football matches that I force-feed in aid to my burgeoning sense of fractured faux-nationalism, I can tell you with conviction that Kieran Tierney is solid and would not hesitate in tackling his own gran.

Not dissimilar to Bacary Sagna in style; albeit with a far more functional haircut; Tierney is a TIER above (I will not express regret) our current options defensively. With our shrunken, Spanish Peter Crouch-lookalike deteriorating and our walking abattoir meat-hook man being widely regarded as unsuitable to playing consistently in a back-four, Tierney would be our first choice almost immediately. Well, after recovering from his ‘Osteitis Pubis’ problem.

Which; as we all know; is dead Latin for ‘Achilles Heel’.

Hopefully that injury develops as well as the technical and progressive side of his game did under two and a bit seasons of Brendan Rodgers’ more expansive style of football. Continuing this trend in a league bound to challenge and improve him offers Tierney the potential to explode with effectuality like that of his fellow countryman at Liverpool - provided he’s given a structurally similar tactical-blueprint to exploit. Despite Unai Emery being expected to play a flat back-four more regularly this season coupled with the additions of record-signing, Nicolas Pépé and our returning academy loanee, Reiss Nelson, to the first-team wide berths - I do believe that Tierney; and Bellerin; when fit and firing will provide much of our incisive, possessional width and high pressing close to the opposition’s final-third.

My only real concern in his adaptation will be the off-field culture-shock of moving to London. The number 63 comes across as a very composed and confident individual on the pitch although an abrupt transition to a super-city which lacks the more settled, familial vibe he blossoms in at Parkhead could make finding comfort in his new Premier League surroundings difficult to begin with. It can’t be easy leaving behind fans who adore him as a boyhood Celtic supporter. His passion for the club no more illustrated than in the 2017 Scottish Cup Final against Aberdeen where after a thuggish, first-half challenge broke his jaw; ending his contribution early; he discharged himself from hospital to then run past exiting Dons’ supporters outside Hampden to celebrate the victory with his teammates and fans. If he can handle the pressure-fryer of Glaswegian mortal-enemy bloodsport, he’ll find a trip to Brighton a day at the beach.

Ultimately, if we can harness half of that enthusiasm for his current team, for us, we’ll have a future leader on our hands.

Telling him we sat idly by and watched the artist formerly known as Rangers Football Club die in 2012 in spite of them bailing us out financially in 1910 might help too.

In fact, that’d probably seal it for him.

Christ, I pray we actually buy him after this screed.

“Follow, follow…”


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  1. markymark

    Aug 7, 2019, 08:20 #114499

    Paul james - I get he was coming back from injury but his recent performances were horrific. I also get that you will probably go along with your new paymasters but the shirt fiasco does him no favours. After 9 years I really should feel more emotional pull but all I can think is one more Wenger boy transferred out and that’s got to be good. Let’s hope Mustafi is next.

  2. itsRonagain2

    Aug 6, 2019, 22:30 #114498

    Koschielny had some ability oddly enough. Always struck me a sort of potential defensive middle man but not good enough to play that role so he masqueraded as a centre half and was not good enough to play there either at the top level. A very torn player then. Never saw a CH close his eyes so often when heading a ball and especially when a ball headed towards him. He also mastered turning his back to the ball at free kicks if it went towards him. With all this said, he has perhaps been the best defender at the club this last 9 yrs. Says it all about the colleagues he’s been alongside doesn’t it. Utter shite in the main, most of them. All allowed to float and dream through games by AW and never be accountable for the shit shows we ve seen this last 10 years. Saw Kos in his first game or one of his first games v Liv at Anfield. He was sent off with Joe Cole that day. Thought he was a bit chicken that day and never had reason to change that view. Never mind though. Adams apart and O Leary too, we ve had CH s as bad and worse that Kos this last 50 years so he need nt feel too bad. Good luck Kos wherever you go and play. Always nice to go home. I m sure yr earnings at Arsenal will stand you in good stead once your boots are hung up and opinions like mine won’t worry you a jot. Nor should they.

  3. Pauljames

    Aug 6, 2019, 19:02 #114497

    Kos was and is a very good player, how he must regret wasting his career with a shed load of hopeless fellow defenders under a washed up has been of a manager.Good luck Laurent !

  4. markymark

    Aug 6, 2019, 14:23 #114496

    So farewell peg leg Kos. You truly were the best of a bad bunch. Who needed the creme of the French National side when we had you? A follower of Wenger’s instructions to all his Captains “Do not Speak!”. I’m sure your odd raised eyebrow during our on-field massacres said all that needed to be said. In fact where were you during our massacres? Ron thinks you might have been hiding in the dressing room? You were a warrior against the mighty Fulham and err a man carried off the pitch against Chelsea , Liverpool , assorted Northern Cloggers. To you I say Bon Voyage! Enjoy the retirement and say hello to Wengo from me.

  5. itsRonagain2

    Aug 6, 2019, 11:36 #114495

    He looks like and it sounds like hes brittle and feeble to me, with an injury record too. Plus, hes been bumming about in Scottish football and is worth circa 25 Mill. Its all sounds like a waste of time and and even bigger waste of a small transfer fee. But hey ho, its typical Arsenal to be looking at him.

  6. markymark

    Aug 6, 2019, 10:06 #114494

    So we’ve bought one hot prospect who won’t play for a season and one hot prospect who won’t play for half a season? Plus rusty old Kos off , Jenks to Forest and disaster man Mustafi unwanted. I’d therefore guess we are still to buy 1 or even 2 defenders. It’s certainly been a ride this window.

  7. Colonel Blimp

    Aug 6, 2019, 09:59 #114493

    Scottish players used to be pretty good but the most recent games I've seen up there is Sunday-league-with-knobs-on standard. Hmm let's see.