“Are You Not Entertained?” Why the Arsenal Don’t Owe the Neutral Scintillating Football

Just checking my notes here. The current list states “too emotional, too young, too naive, too prone to using a camera at full-time, too fond of celebrating, too fond of a sunbed, not Nationalistic enough, not good enough at scoring goals, not cut-throat enough and now… not interesting enough.”

On the back of a unicorn game in which Arsenal prevented City from scoring at home for the first time in 57 matches, the ephemeral, omnipotent ‘neutral’ was lightning quick to criticise us for being boring and dull-to-watch.

So the Arsenal gave them five goals in five days (making sure to keep the defensive shutters down all-the-while). 

Once you turn the white noise down, this versatility of performance does evoke a more interesting discussion about our side’s footballing identity, and the brand of play we’ve come to know as ‘Arteta-ball’.

Watching Gabriel celebrating that blocked shot at the Amex as if he’d just bent one in from thirty yards, my nostalgia, rose-tinted mind is of course directed towards the effigies of no-nonsense, shop-shutting centre-backs of years gone by. Keown, Adams, Bould, Campbell. And this current, astonishing centre back pairing of Saliba and Gabriel are as defiant and unplayable as any.

Arsenal Football Club have conceded just four goals in the Premier League this calendar year, and the fewest in the entire division since August.

Arsenal are an unparalleled defensive outfit as of right now. Boring, boring Arsenal, eh? George Graham must be beaming. 

Meanwhile, this team pays equal homage to the fluid, free-flowing football of the Wenger era when they want to.

When he’s not pressing like a man possessed, Mr Iron-Lung Martin Odegaard is quite possibly the best creative player in the league, and our wide overloads against Brighton displayed a footballing fluency that Pires, Fabregas, Ozil, Sanchez, Ramsey and co would be proud of.

So, the truth is that this Arsenal team can do it all.

Arteta-ball won’t be pigeon-holed, and can adapt to any opposition or game-state.

This isn’t Wenger, and this isn’t Graham. This is something new entirely. As Frank, de Zerbi and Edwards have all been keen to point out, we are the team that can play in any manner, as and when it suits us. Sorry if that doesn’t suit you, Mr Neutral. 

So, where does this all leave us for the Bayern game? How will we set-up in a cagey, tricky, dogged European fixture, but one which equally feels like a huge opportunity to put goals on the scoreboard ahead of heading back to the Allianz?

I think we have to remember Porto. How different that game felt. I also can’t shake the stylistic approach to the City matches at the Etihad and Wembley respectively. This won’t be Lens, this won’t be Sevilla and this won’t be PSV.

But I am put at ease by the knowledge that we can do whatever the game demands of us. If we need to sit in low banks, we can do it. If we want to play out, and stick it on Bayern under a packed, red-hot Emirates as/when the moment comes, we can do so, too. The stats don’t lie; we concede less, and we score more than anyone else. And this cerebral, instinctive team know exactly when to stick and when to twist. I can’t wait to see how we approach this one. Thank God I’m not the manager, and in Mikel I trust.

Enjoy it, Gunners, and find pleasure in the safe notion that you WILL be entertained, by attacking prowess and defensive solidity in equal measure. The neutral doesn’t know how lucky they are.