The Gooner Fanzine's inimitable columnist Sir Henry Norris is back.
This time he reflects on Sean Dyche - a 'destroyer of beautiful things' - as Arsenal prevailed after a battling triumph at Goodison Park.
Read on for what Sir Henry Norris had to say about Arsenal's stirring victory over Dyche's Everton.
Bovril, Marmite, Brexit, Dyche.
Along with Botulism, necrotising fasciitis and Ebola, these are things that an honourable gentleman should never encounter.
Yet, there he was. Patrolling the sideline like a bouncer outside Grimsby’s third-best strip club. His instructions were clear. ‘Lads, you’re not going to get near the ball, kick Saka instead.’
Luckily, the Premier League have the finest officials in the entire universe. They are so good, they are able to see things that never happened at all.
It’s the first time in recorded history that VAR has given an offside for the shadow of a stud crossing an imaginary line.
VAR is contagious. Waiting for a decision, it’s taking that contagious, I thought to myself.
Clear and obvious doesn’t take five minutes.
Everton have been in the top division for more time than every other club, apart from one, thanks to your humble correspondent. A few brown envelopes saw the Middlesex pretenders getting relegated while we were elected. And we’ve never looked back.
Yesterday was old school. Agricultural. Not the organic free range type of a happy hen looking out from a recycled cardboard box. This was factory farming. Orcs looking to reduce football, the beautiful game, to a version of hell that poor old Dante would have seen as extreme.
It is called football. Not Foot Saka.
Normally kicking an England star player results in a form of retribution. For Harry Kane, he would get a penalty whenever gravity was too strong. Yet, on our final visit to Goodison Park, we were kicked like a scrapyard dog.
But, like a scrapyard dog, we were unflinching.
I’m old enough to remember One Nil to the Arsenal, when it was a defiant call to arms. We have our lead and it is going nowhere.
The referee realised yesterday that it was One Nil to the Arsenal. No point giving Everton a further 30 minutes of added time.
Imagine Sean Dyche on Love Island. Like Everton yesterday. He’s not scoring.
Instead, like a bouncer from Grimsby’s third-best lap dancing club, he resents beautiful things. And wants to destroy all that’s good with the world.
As things stand, Everton will be moving into their shiny new stadium next year in the Championship.
Watching them yesterday, that’s their level.
Next week is another agricultural encounter. After the Champions League.
It’s good to be back.
PREVIOUSLY FROM SIR HENRY NORRIS